Happy Festivus loyal readers! My favorite part of the season? A little Hot Chocolate.
Which brings me to my next point: I've been Tindering a lot lately. It hasn't gotten me laid yet, but that's my own damn fault. Apparently saying "I've never missed a child support payment," just isn't a good pickup line. Whatever bitch, in 8 years you'll yearn for that kind of financial security.
I've also asked a lot of girls if they want to see Nickelback with me in April. This is my way of telling girls I'm not interested but letting them think they chose to break it off. This is probably not as good a deed as I'd like to think it is.
I don't even think I'm being very picky. After my third Taylor Swift singalong this week I'm convinced I'm the apex of male causticity so I'm not allowed to set the bar very high. My only 2 criteria are understand my humor and read. I have not yet considered the possibility that my jokes suck; I mean I run a blog with 185 page views so it's probably not me.
I remember why I stopped writing now; it's tough. Appreciate me fuckers.
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