Hello world.

I can summon pizzas from my laptop.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I can make a stranger bring me actual food (does pizza count?) when I read the incantation from my spellbook*.  I have since attempted to manipulate the internet into providing for all of my needs with mixed success.  These are all things:

Wings/Pizza/Chinese:  Success.  Throw in some free subs and you could find yourself on this list Jimmy John's.  (This blog will sell out at the first opportunity.)

Booze:  The biggest disappointment.  Probably for my own good.

Medical attention:  This one's a toss-up.  WebMD telling me not to peel my blister didn't stop me from trying to fill a Gatorade bottle with skin.  (First time readers: I'm hideous.)

Laundry:  The Internet will not wash my pants.  This would not be necessary if it could fill my other needs.

Renewing my license:  It will be 3 weeks tomorrow, what's wrong with me?

Elucidating the abstruse:  How an asshole lets you know he's got crippling student debt.

Companionship:  Please be my friend.  That's why I started this blog.  (And the aforementioned selling out)



*Not a healthy way to think of your credit card.

PS I realize that the license doesn't really fit with the rest of the list.  It serves to provide a bit of introduction of the horrible person I am and also maybe to shame me into doing something about it.